Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
