i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
