theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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