I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
