thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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