nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
