I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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