tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
