Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
