Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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