I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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