Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
