i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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