The maid of honor just puked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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