Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
3 2 1 whiskey
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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