I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
