dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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