Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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