i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
