Who did Billy Mays play for?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
