my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
