why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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