he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
