Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
