I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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