Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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