i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
