Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
