Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
