He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize