Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
