i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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