brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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