On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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