i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
