can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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