Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
