a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
