A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think my tv is drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
