Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
