Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
