so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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