You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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