Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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