How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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