just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
