I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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