At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
