Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
