Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
3pm strippers are depressing
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
