Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
