I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
