Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love you. Go after that dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
