I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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