I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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