took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize