Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
