ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
