Only a mothe r could love this liver
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
