i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
