This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
