My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
