I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
