I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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