This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
